Movie Reviews by Eggbox

What this is not …

Don’t expect anything that is meaningful or deep in this popcorn of a movie, the jokes are crass and over the top, the characters are over the top and the action (if that is what you call it) is puerile; stuff of the gods.

It’s a spoof, get over it …

One of the reasons I liked this is because it is (sort of) a spoof of all those crappy kung fu movies where the main character goes from being a bum to an enlightened world champ in the course of 90 minutes saving the world in the process.. This is the theory here but he is a ping-pong champ who has fallen from grace and he gets a chance to redeem himself.

So the plot revolves around the main character relearning his talent for ping-pong and getting into an illicit ping-pong championship on a remote island.

The characters …

The main character is Randy Daytona (played by Dan Fogler), I have never seen this dude before in anything but I like him, he is a fat ugly toad of a guy that has an innocent look on his face all the time throughout the film, makes me feel like an Adonis.

The best thing is that he plays it straight and makes you like him (even though he looks better in the dark).

Christopher Walken is the best …

The bad guy is Feng played by the ever weird and crazy Christopher Walken, I think that he has got to the stage in his career where he just plays himself because that what people expect. The one liners he comes out with are great (the one about sudden death is the best). My opinion is that you could have got rid of a few characters and still pissed yourself laughing looking at Christopher Walken.

Other notible characters …

The FBI agent Ernie Rodriquez is played by George Lopez who does a reasonable job but I expected more from him.

A chinese heavy Siu-Foo is played by the great Jason Scott Lee, in fact he uses quotes from the movie Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story that he actually said. It’s good to see him in a comedy role, he made me laugh, the part where he makes a bet with the main character for $5 and asks for change because he only wants to bet $4 is classic, the missus and my son missed it but I was rolling around with that line.

Bottom line …

I wouldn’t put this up there with Harold and Kumar go to White Castle but it is worthy of a look if you need to get out of it for an hour and a half. Some of the gags don’t really do that well and you have probably seen some of the better ones in the trailer but there is enough there to keep you amused.

The DVD is not too bad, the extras are pretty cool, don’t forget to see the one about the Ball Wrangler

Ratings
Overall rating:	7/10 (For making me laugh)
Special effects:	7/10
Acting:	5/10
Music:	6/10
Where seen:	DVD at home
Perceived length:	Short

//*Eggbox

What a blast …

I enjoyed this movie for a number of reasons that will be explained as we go along, the basic plot is that there is a kid; surname of Racer, forename of Speed, hence the name of the movie.

For our American cousins surname = last name, forename = first name.

Anyway, he is Speed Racer (played by Emile Hirsch) who is a race car driver like his brother (the brother is is dead), dad runs the garage (played by an aging John Goodman) and mum is the ever hot Susan Sarandon. The love interest is the equally hot Christina Ricci (although she looks like she is in a real cartoon).

This was a cartoon …

I know that this is based on an old cartoon but I have never seen it, from all accounts the quality was somewhat suspect and the stories a bit weak. That cannot be said for this movie (well the graphics anyway), the story is standard fare, the Speed Racer is good and he believes in racing as a sport. He comes down to earth with a bump when the evil business man Royalton (played by Roger Allam) tries to get him to race for him. It comes down to good vs. evil again.

The graphics …

This is probably the main reason to watch the movie, and I suggest that it is at the cinema (that’s the movie theater for you Americans). The colours are bold and brash, the colour pallet is mainly primary which adds to the cartoon feel of the movie as a whole. The directors and the set designers (the term set is probably wrong for this type of movie) must have made this a priority on the movie to give it an out of this world touch, in fact it looks somewhat 60’s style to me.

The races [ not to Formula 1 standards ] …

The real reason for watching the movie is to participate in the experience of the races throughout the movie, the Wachowski brothers have choreographed these to a tee. The track races are so divorced from reality that it is sometimes very hard to know what is going on but it does not matter. There are cars that jump over other cars, make wild turns that are physically impossible, they crash into each other and the only thing that happens to the car is a slight scuff on the paintwork, the drivers never get hurt because there is a system in place that protects them in a ball of bubbles.

On top of that each car has a secret weapon; technically illegal as per the WRL rule book (World Racing League) but it does not stop the teams and the drivers from being devious and creative. Some have rockets, saws, snakes and the like, each weapon matches the drivers personality, a very cool concept, a bit like The Wacky Races but much more violent; I like this :->

The back story …

The races are punctuated with the back story of the dead brother, a law enforcement officer and back stabbing between friends. The younger brother Spritle (played by Paulie Litt) and his chimp add the comic relief to the (sometimes) too serious story for this type of movie.

The Wachowski brother are on the money again …

Andy and Larry are the dudes that gave us the Matrix trilogy, let’s be honest the first one was very very cool, the second was OK and the third was somewhere in the middle. They have a knack of going the whole hog and they have really embraced computer generated movie making. Even the simplest scenes have computer generated effects, that’s why this gets a 10/10 for special effects.

Don’t expect to see photo realism in this movie, obviously the characters are real but the rest of it is probably real only in the computer. It looks like they wanted to make it look like a cartoon, if they did then they succeeded.

Something I didn’t expect …

One that I did not expect was to see so many British actors in the movie, it’s good to see that the Brits are still in demand even for an obviously Hollywood movie, the Wachowski’s know a good thing when they see it (that’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it).

Bottom line …

This is a good fantasy movie for all the family, me and my son thoroughly enjoyed it, good use of a couple of hours). It has something for everyone, the comedy of the younger brother, the computer effects for the for the geeks, the cars and the racing for the boy racers and the heart warming back story for the mums.

There is one final problem to consider, you may find yourself driving a bit faster and taking more chances on the road after watching the movie. In our case we got home 5 minutes quicker than we normally do, time well spent

Ratings
Overall rating:	9/10 For Special Effects
Special effects:	10/10 (the best in a while)
Acting:	6/10 (OK I suppose)
Music:	6/10 (fine for this type of movie)
Where seen:	Movie Theater
Perceived length:	Short

I have been waiting for this movie for ages, as you can see the movie was released in 2005 but I have only just picked it up from the local video store.

High hopes …

I did have high hopes for this movie but I should have known that it was not as good as it sounds due to the fact that it did not have a theater release in the US (I don’t know how it did in the UK). All the elements are there, Jason Statham back with Guy Richie directing and written by Guy Richie and Luc Besson.

On top of that you have an evil Ray Liotta playing the boss, Terence Maynard paying his heavy, Vincent Pastore and André Benjamin playing a couple of shady dudes who give Jason a run for his money (literally).

This seems to be setup to be a humdinger of a movie but it has issues.

What I liked …

I liked the characters and the violence, the world they created for the characters to live in is larger than life, everyone has a quirk that makes them stand out. As I said, the violence, any Guy Richie movie is splatter (again, literally) with people getting their just deserts, this is no exception, each death is beautifully choreographed but not overdone.

The plot …

It started out as standard fare, Jason Statham does time for Ray Liotta and he wants to get even, that seems simple enough, well things get complicated with the arrival of Vincent Pastore and André Benjamin who have something over Jason that makes him do whatever they want.

It works out that the whole thing is a con on Jason of the highest caliber, orchestrated by Vincent Pastore and André Benjamin.

What is wrong with it then …

Well the problem is that the intricacies of the plot are too subtle especially for a Guy Richie movie. Yes, it is interesting, though provoking but I don’t want that from this type of movie, I want colourful characters beating the crap out of each other. I don’t want a tortured soul (souls in this case with Ray Liotta being a nutbag as well), I can get that sort of thing listening to Dr. Phil.

The best scene in the movie …

This was the scene when the main character played by Jason Statham is in a lift and he is fighting his alter ego, the scene cuts between him (all quite and cerebral) and his other side going mental, shouting, hitting the walls of the lift and generally being a nutbag (I like that word).

The other best scene in the movie was the montage of death by the hard nosed hit man who gets a conscience when the bad guys are about to kill a child (bad bad people). He goes through about 10 heavies with grace and flair, he gets it in the end but it is an honorable end to his life of misdeeds.

Who was that ?

Francesca Annis makes an appearance in the movie, she has not aged well, I didn’t recognise her at all and only found out she was in it when I read the cast list on the DVD cover. How the mighty have fallen.

Jason, be careful …

Jason Statham is a great action star, Trainsporter, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Cellular; all great movies, good action and interesting stories.  Then he did Crank and In the Name of the King and this one, not good choices in my opinion.  I will still go and see him in his movies but he better be careful that he picks better movies or people will start to walk.

Bottom line …

I sort of liked it mainly for the characters; I want to call out André Benjamin he is great in this movie, understated but powerful, a pleasure to watch. The plot leaves something to be desired but the violence makes up for it. The main problem is that I think that it was trying to be too clever.

Ratings
Overall rating:	5/10
Violence:	8/10
Acting:	7/10
Music:	6/10
Where seen:	DVD at home
Perceived length:	Medium

//*Eggbox

I saw this movie again this week at home and enjoyed it as much as I did when I saw it at the movie theater with my son. The basic plot is that a lonely boy finds an egg on a Scottish Loch (now what could the name of Loch be ….. hmmmmmm …. Ness), it hatches and hilarity ensues as the young Nessie (named Crusoe for some reason) reeks havoc on the household.

Maybe he was called Crusoe because like the character in the novel he is also stranded in a strange place.

Set during the second world war the arrival of an army unit adds to the mix, it just so happens that these soldiers are preparing for a submarine attack by the enemy and they setup a net across the Loch and a couple of large guns. It is obvious that these elements will play a large part in the story.

Do I look like I’m bothered, well I am …

The major thing that bothered me about the plot is that Loch Ness does not have access to the sea in any way so how a German submarine could get into the Loch is a mystery to me; they would have to be some very clever subs. That aside, the plot device is there to add tension and a great final reel.

The good old day, buzz bombs, rickets …

One of the other things I found interesting was the recreation of 1940’s Scotland, they did a good job with the sets, costumes and hardware (military and civil) and captured the essence of the time using period music. The supporting cast added a lot to the movie, the mother (Emily Watson), sister (Priyanka Xi) and the handyman (Ben Chaplin) all helped in getting you into the story in a way that was not forced or sugar coated.

The main character could be the young boy (Alex Etel) or the computer generated Water Horse (make up your own minds). Alex Etel was perfectly cast, he looks like he was ill through the whole movie (Scots do look like they are near to death most of the time due to their lack of access to sunlight and nutritional food), the boy should get a medal for being such a good method actor.

You sick Nasty …

There are a couple of nasty characters that are there to drive the plot forward, Churchill (the army cooks dog) goes from being the aggressor to being put in his place, Joel Tobec plays the evil private (they lit him from below and he gives a stare that would leave you having to change you underwear), excellent. David Morrissey plays the Captain and he is tough enough and also caring enough so that you don’t hate him at the end of the movie; although you want to kick his butt during the mid section because his is such a pompous twit.

I liked Ben Chaplin in this movie, he plays the handyman (war hero) who has a healthy disrespect for the captain. He helps the main characters throughout the film by keeping the Water Horse under wraps from the mum. Ben is an underestimated actor, he has been around the block a while now and has never really made it big.

The bottom line …

Anyway, the bottom line is that Crusoe gets away and everyone is happy, there are a couple of twists at the end of the movie, not too big but both will put a smile on your face.

Highly recommended where you just want to feel good and get transported to a fantasy world, even if it’s set in Scotland!

Ratings
Overall rating:	8/10
Special effects:	8/10
Acting:	7/10
Music:	7/10
Where seen:	Movie Theater and DVD at home
Perceived length:	Medium

//*Eggbox

I revisited this movie recently, I watched this one in the office during my lunch breaks over a couple of days. In fact I watched it twice, first the movie as-is, then again with the commentary by the director, very interesting.

The concept of Rambo may be a bit passé these days but I tried to appreciate the movie as if I was watching it when it was released (as such).

In general I was impressed by the movie, the acting was not terrible and the action made up for it in more ways than one. The story was plausible and does get you into the movie quickly, it is easy for you to understand the motivations of the characters very quickly.

Sylvester Stallone looks good in this movie, the commentary indicates that the guy spent over 4 hours a day training to get the physique for the roll, the dedication by Stallone pays off. Steven Berkoff plays the evil Russian commander perfectly, he is a cool and calculating instrument of torture that gets your blood boiling and you want to cheer when he gets blown up by Rambo.

The other bad guy is Marshal Murdock played by Charles Napier (you’ll know him when you see him), I like this dude, he plays the character in a way that makes you want to hate him but you understand that he is really a grunt following orders but he doesn’t have the balls to do the right thing. Richard Crenna is the rock that keeps Rambo going and his greatest ally, he is the father figure that gets Rambo to do the mission and fights for him when things get out of hand.

The action is punctuated with a couple of tender moments with the female lead Julia Nickson-Soul, she plays a sympathetic Vietnamese who gets Rambo to the site of the POWs. It was obvious that she would die and cause Rambo to go haywire but she does add that something extra to the movie that lets you see the softer side of Rambo (even though it’s only for a few minutes).

The thing to remember with this movie is that this was really the first movie of its kind and most other movies of this genre followed the same paradigm, i.e. the lone warrior fighting for honor and glory over insurmountable odds. The set pieces with Stallone firing the automatic weapon in the air, trashing the control center, killing the bad guys one at a time silently in the jungle have been copied time and time again.

So the bottom line is that anyone who enjoys a good action movie and is willing to get over the fact that they have probably seen something similar in the past (albeit a take off on this movie) should enjoy the movie.

Ratings
Overall rating:	8/10 (For action)
Special effects:	9/10
Acting:	6/10
Music:	6/10
Where seen:	DVD (in the office)
Perceived length:	Medium

//*Eggbox

OK, I’ll have to admit that I was looking forward to this movie, how could it miss, Jason Statham kicking butt and set it a mythical world of honor. The basic plot is that there are two bad guys (played by Matthew Lillard and Ray Liotta) who are trying to gain power from the king played by Burt Reynolds using troll type beings to do their evil bidding.

So the scene is set, Jason just wants to be left alone tending his turnips (Baldrick from Black Adder would be pleased) and working with his young son and hottie wife. All this tranquility comes to an end when the village is attacked, his son gets killed and his wife kidnapped.

So who is this farmer? Why is he such a good swordsman and a kick ass fighter? Will he be able to get his wife back and get revenge? Well all of this is explained as we go though the movie. The problem is that it seems to take ages to get to the interesting part of the plot that does the explaining. It is just too slow and unbelievable, don’t get me wrong you are rooting for Jason (note that I cannot remember his characters name!) and you know that he will prevail in the end.

The dialog is sketchy at best and the acting takes second place to action, pomp and circumstance and we are asked to believe that Burt Reynolds is a king! Supporting cast includes John Rhys-Davies and Ron Perlman who are along for the ride but add little to the plot. Claire Forlani as the farmers wife is pathetic and shows little emotion, Kristanna Loken (of Terminator fame) adds some interest in the forest with her band of merry women, she also seems to have access to a Wonderbra that distracts you from the plot (not a bad thing)

As we get through the final reel we everything comes together and everyone gets what they deserve unfortunately this is the best part of the movie, the end!

While I sort of enjoyed seeing Jason doing what he does best (kicking butt) I felt that the production as a while was straining at the seams and everything was much too forced asking the viewer to enter the world of make believe that it did not explain adequately.

In hindsight I would leave this one on the shelf of your local video store.

Ratings
Overall rating:	4/10
Special effects:	6/10
Acting:	3/10
Music:	6/10
Where seen:	DVD at home
Perceived length:	Long

//*Eggbox

It took me a while to get round to this one but it was worth the wait. Johnny Depp is wonderful in this movie (as ever). He plays a troubled (and wronged) person who is out for revenge and he achieves this by the end of the movie.

Tim Burton does a great job getting you into the movie by putting you right into the environment with colourful characters and great sets. The selection of the cast also adds to the enjoyment (especially for a Brit like me), this includes Sacha Baron Cohen, Anthony Head, Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall and Helena Bonham Carter.

You start off by feeling for the main character, knowing that he was wronged by the judge (Alan Rickman), and you really want him to get his revenge. The plot centers around the way he gets into the killing thing (with Mrs Lovett) and there is a great montage where he makes short work of a number of customers while blurting out a great tune.

This brings me to the musical side of the film, my first impression was the everything that was spoken would be in the form of a song, this is not case. The characters do speak and only sing when there is a big set piece. This makes watching the movie much easier and allows you a breathing space between the numbers. Johnny Depp is a surprising good singer (he was in a rock band in his youth) and aligned with his acting it makes for riveting viewing.

Some things that may put you off the movie is the blood, they must have had a standing order to the fake blood department. Along with the bodies dropping down the chute to the basement with a resounding thud (head first) caused me and the missus to cringe more than once.

As the movie proceeds you know that he should get his just desserts but you still feel for him, this is mainly down to the fact that Johnny Depp is a great actor (Oscars take note). The climax to the movie is f

The bottom line is that I enjoyed the movie and would recommend this to anyone who like a good old fashioned horror as long as you accept that there will be singing and blood!

Ratings
Overall rating:	9/10
Special effects:	8/10
Acting:	8/10
Music:	7/10
Where seen:	DVD at home
Perceived length:	Short

//*Eggbox